


Discovering Alaska

by kpjvarga



Category: Looking for Alaska - John Green
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpjvarga/pseuds/kpjvarga
Summary: This story is based on the TV series "Looking for Alaska" (which may differ slightly from the novel). It picks up from when Alaska says "To be continued" to Miles and goes to answer the ringing pay phone at the end of episode 6. Essentially, it's a re-imagining of the end of the series.
Kudos: 8





	Discovering Alaska

DISCOVERING ALASKA  
by Kristopher Varga  
Based on the novel “Looking for Alaska” by John Greene  
and the TV series "Looking for Alaska" by Josh Schwartz

“To be continued.” 

Alaska’s lips slivered into a playful smile as she tossed on her hoodie and rose from the bed. Before leaving, she bent over one last time and kissed me, holding it like an embrace, her golden hair flirting with my cheeks. As she walked towards the door, towards the ringing payphone, I couldn’t help but admire the gentle sway of her body; so free, like leaves on a tree in springtime. She opened the door, imitated sleeping with pressed hands, flashed that same, tantalizing smile, then disappeared. 

Half asleep and completely drunk, I began to fantasize our future together. But my thoughts drifted past city-bound road trips and the color of Alaska’s underwear and I found myself wondering if her hometown really held as much despair as she dramatized. Knowing the truth of her past, it wasn’t hard to imagine the tragic difficulties she faced, how incredibly alone and guilty her childhood must have been. It’s no wonder Culver Creek held such importance for her. It wasn’t just the friends or the freedom (and it definitely wasn’t the food), but the undeniable sense that any other world wouldn’t have her, wouldn’t accept her. This school was the only thing that ever forgave Alaska, and now even that’s been tainted. 

The Colonel rolled over slightly and squinted open his eyes. “You know, Pudge, I resent you guys for what’s happened, but listening to you struggle at undoing a blouse may have been God’s humorous way of apologizing for such a shitty night.” I sat there, once again at lost for words towards Chip Martin, who grinned and rolled back over. “But at least the inevitable and uncomfortable has finally taken its course,” he said, almost with praise. 

I really didn’t know what this meant for Alaska and I, come to think of it. But I didn’t have time to play out the scenarios, because without warning the door flung open, with a hysterical Alaska yelling, “I gotta get the fuck out of here. How could I have been so stupid?!” 

The Colonel and I jumped up instantly. Alaska grabbed her keys and sprinted out the door. Without hesitation, The Colonel grabbed his backpack (which I’m sure was loaded with fireworks) and ran after her. I ran, too, though was uncertain about what to say or do. Fortunately, Alaska had this covered. 

“Colonel, I need a diversion. Distract The Eagle. Pudge, get the gate.” She more sputtered this out like a Busta Rhymes rap, rather than in coherent sentences. Full of newfound adrenaline, the three of us headed towards our designated directions. I heard The Colonel yell, “Are you okay?” with which Alaska responded with, “Yeah, I’m fucking invincible.” 

By the time I got to the gate, I felt the stirring of cheap wine getting ready to jump out my stomach and smack me in the face for exerting such athletics. In the distance, the pops of firecrackers could be distinctly heard, with The Eagle’s cabin reigniting its light. The Colonel’s actions were a success, quickly being hightailed through the forest by our diligent overseer. Simultaneously, Alaska’s car came speeding towards the gate I had just opened. It was clear she had no intention for a quick chat. As our eyes met, I got this eerie feeling that if I let her go now, I wouldn’t ever see her again. That, for some crazy, unknown reason, this look was Alaska’s way of saying a final goodbye. 

Without realizing what my body was doing, I found myself in front of the screeching car, hands on the hood, intensely staring through the fogged windshield. “Pudge, what the fuck are you doing? Move!” Her voice was the complete opposite from ten minutes ago. 

“I can’t let you leave, Alaska, unless you tell me what’s going on.” 

She held a fierce stare and I felt my knees going out. “You don’t need to know my whole life. Now move.” 

“No way. You’re way too drunk and clearly an emotional wreck. I need to know, or else you can’t leave…” I paused, looking for the right words, “without running me over.” 

The stare-down ensued for nearly a minute. Alaska’s silence was screaming, yelling, hating everything around her. I had no idea what could have caused such an extreme change, but I was certain there was no way I could let her leave here without the truth. “Alaska, listen, I can’t lose you. I’ve literally never felt this way about another human being, about anything! I love you, Alaska Young, and if you’re gonna leave here like this, you might as well kill me first.” 

Alaska opened the door and got out of the old car, engine still fired up. The headlights blinded my view of her, but I could feel her presence coming closer. She walked up briskly and with purpose, finally pushing me with more strength than I realized Alaska could muster, nearly knocking me to the ground. 

“Listen, Pudge, this isn’t about you. This is about the fact that I’ve fucked up, that I am fucked up, that anyone who comes in contact with me and my chaotic domain will only get hurt, or possibly even die.” At this she stepped back, dropped to the dirt and began weeping uncontrollably. “Why does it have to be like this? Why? Why the fuck-” 

After a moment, I went to put my hand on her should and offer some consolation, which she immediately tossed aside. “Go away, Pudge. I don’t want to be with you.” 

Initially, I hesitated. However, defeat won over quicker than I realized possible. The power of Alaska Young. “Fine. Whatever.” Tears began to roll down my face. I managed to choke out, “But don’t expect for the world to always chase after you.” 

At that, I turned and walked through the gate and out into unknown territory, intentionally traveling directions I’ve never explored in hopes of becoming completely lost. Success. After about twenty minutes I found a neglected, rotting bridge near a river and sat on its edge, looking over the unforgiving moonlight and its chiding. I pulled out a crushed cigarette pack and fortunately found a single still in there. I lit it and inhaled deeply. The rocky water begun to darken thirty feet down as the moon disappeared behind the trees. Its final acknowledgement towards my constant loss became apparent. Life without Alaska was meaningless, hopeless. If she wouldn’t let me in, then I might as well give up. I was empty. So extremely hollow inside. Another tear slid down my face and fell to the immersive river. 

I took another drag and shuffled a bit closer to the edge. I closed my eyes and sighed when a deep voice spoke from behind, “There are certainly healthier ways to enjoy life, Mr. Halter.” The slender figure of Dr. Hyde crept up beside me, looking straight ahead towards the woods. “Of course, there are also much faster ways to end your life, as well.” He tilted his head downward, towering over the river below, and then turned his back to it. 

I tried to regather myself and act as if everything was totally normal. “I’m sorry, Dr. Hyde. You know, for smoking. And for leaving.” I hardly managed to get the words out right. “Wait, what are you even doing here?” 

He glanced over at me for a moment, then back ahead. “Well, since my stroll was disturbed by a series of fireworks, I decided I would take an old, familiar path off campus instead.” He pointed over my head. “You see, that is where I decided to accept the teaching position at Culver Creek. Back then this bridge was a bit more intact and proved to be a reliable route from campus to town. But now, it’s worn down.” He attempted a sighed, which came out more like a wheeze. “Guess nothing is built to last, is it Mr. Halter? Everything has its flaw of impermanence and decay.” 

We sat in silence. The water below continued forward in a rapid chase of itself. Finally, I managed out some words, “What the hell is the purpose of all this, sir? I mean life and all. We’re just always causing each other and ourselves pain. Life is just a constant series of falls.” 

His eyes sharpened, yet hid a compassionate smile, “Would make for a hell of an essay question if you haven’t got one yet.” A long, skinny cigar came out of his inner coat pocket, which he twirled as he lit it with a fancy zippo. After a long, very long drag, he spoke. “Don’t suppose it’s ever easy to care so much for something, or someone,” his eyes bounced my way, then, again, forward, “and know that no matter what you do, no matter what you say you can’t every prevent that which we all must face. It’s as if everything in life, every experience is to propel us into something beyond it.” 

Taking another long drag, he then faced me. His presence wasn’t intimidating, rather almost transparent, like a quartz crystal. It was as if there was more of the moment, the experience, present than the man himself. “You don’t need a definitive answer yet, Miles. It’s one many scholars, religious persons and scientists have attempted at for a lifetime, all returning back to the same answer.” I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say what that was. Before I could ask the question, a car pulled up. 

“Ah, and what appropriate timing,” said Dr. Hyde, lightly waving his hand at the two figures that got out of the car. 

“Miles, what the fuck, man?!” It was The Colonel. “Pardon, sir.” Hyde nodded. “Don’t pull that disappearance shit. People might mistake your pale, skinny ass for a ghost at this hour.” 

“He couldn’t be a ghost.” It was Alaska. “He breathes way too heavy. You could nearly hear him all the way from campus. Made an easy trail to follow.” 

“What are you guys doing here?” I was in a bit of disbelief that they actually were here. 

“Picking you up so we can escort you back to school without a guilty conscience,” The Colonel said as he walked over, roped his arm around my backside and guided me to the car. Alaska opened the rear door and gave a slightly apologetic smile. Without a word or making direct eye contact, I got in the back seat. 

The Colonel turned to Dr. Hyde, “Can’t thank you enough, sir, for babysitting our precious boy, here.” 

Hyde rose his hand, “Don’t mention it.” 

While getting in the passenger seat, Alaska said, “We have another working seat belt available, if you would let us drive you back to campus.” 

“Thank you, Miss Young. But I think I’m going to ponder a bit more on the past, the present…” He looked towards the sky, “And the future. You kids get back safe, and straight to bed, please. I’ll be checking in as soon as I return, so don’t test me on this one.” 

As we drove away, the silhouette of Dr. Hyde slowly faded out of view, and once more I was uncertain on the reality of the moment, as if living some sort of parallel universe. Our wise teacher, always showing up when we needed him, became invisible in the night. 

On the way back to campus, Alaska confided to me what happened. Supposedly, Chip already got the full story, but he didn’t mind a retelling, since his natural detective abilities were always trying to put together all the clues. Turns out Jake was the one who made the phone call. It was the anniversary of the day they met, which revealed to Alaska it was also the anniversary of her mother’s death. Being overcome with guilt for missing her mother, for Jake, for me, for everything, she set out quickly to try to make things right, first intending to stop at her mother’s grave and beg forgiveness. Of course, Alaska had been rash, emotional and extremely intoxicated (hence, The Colonel driving her car after a short, yet explosive struggle. Pun intended.), which she admitted may have resulted in causing herself serious harm, accidental or intentional. 

“So, Pudge, that’s why I want to say thank you. Thank you for being you. And I’m really, really sorry that I got you involved in any of this mess.” The sincerity on her face was profound. 

I merely nodded and turned to stare out the window. The sun could be vaguely seen in the distance, the world on another effortless rotation. On campus, Alaska said “thank you” to The Colonel, who returned a soft smile. Without another word, she headed back to her room. 

Back in my bed, I passed out immediately, knowing I had about two hours of sleep before encountering Dr. Hyde again. In what seemed like a minute, the alarm went off, which somehow forced up a groggy Miles Halter. The Colonel was already up and about, dressed in a semifinal attire. 

“Colonel, what are you doing? Your hearing isn’t for a few hours.” 

He fixed his plaid button-up in the bathroom mirror. “Technically, Pudge, I’m still a student at Culver Creek for another three hours before they expel me. So, if I gotta leave this bullshit school, I’m gonna at least leave with some dignity.” He stood erect and rose his head up. “Damn I look fly. Get up, you lazy bastard. You aren’t missing my final farewell. Even if I have to fold you up and put you in my backpack.  
”  
I couldn’t help but laugh. After all, it was a relief to see The Colonel back to his old self. I got changed and freshened up with deodorant and mouthwash, grabbed my books and sprinted after The Colonel, who strutted towards Dr. Hyde’s classroom with rediscovered power. He refused to let the Weekend Warriors see him beaten. Not too far away near a pin oak stood Takumi and Alaska. They were mid-conversation, Alaska probably catching him up on what happened yesterday evening. Takumi caught a glance at The Colonel who approached them like it was the first day of school, an entire future of possibilities ahead. 

“Morning, fellow classmates,” said The Colonel in a very academic, pretentious impression. 

Takumi’s eyes widened a bit, “Whoa, look who decided to retain some decency after all.” 

The Colonel held his poise, “Couldn’t let Pudge be known as the best dressed student on my last day, now could I? Especially since his parents still pick out his clothes for him via payphone calls.” 

“They do not.” I muttered, slightly out-of-breath trying to keep up with The Colonel while managing my morning hangover. 

Alaska did a quick roll over with her eyes, then spoke, “I’m glad you came, Colonel. This is your day, and no one, not even those rich assholes’ parents and all their high-end friends, can steal that from you. Especially not them.” She pointed at the Weekday Warriors, whose lame pack walked by, scouring our direction. 

The Colonel turned and waved. We all gave him a strange look. He faced back towards us as if that was a totally normal thing to do. “You guys really don’t think I’m gonna leave this place without one last act of revenge?” 

Takumi raised an eyebrow, “Ah, knew you still had that fire inside. What do you have in mind?” 

“Sorry guys, but I’m not taking any passengers with me on this sinking ship. It’s a solo voyage from here on out.” He shoved his hands in his pocket and rocked on his heels. “Something a little more personal.”  
Takumi slapped fingers with The Colonel, “Hey man, you know we would have sailed with you to the very end. God speed, Colonel.” 

Alaska took a deep breath, “Well, guys, let’s do this. I have a very dire phone call I need to make after class and a mother who needs visiting, so don’t hold me up, ok?” 

We all looked at each other, nodded, and walked towards Dr. Hyde’s lecture one last time. 

… 

The tension in the classroom restricted my breathing apparatus and created sweat on my palms, which I unsuccessfully tried to make disappear on my pants. All eyes were on The Colonel, who keep it cool and acted as if it were just another ordinary day at Culver Creek (like that’s ever existed, which only made the situation weirder). Everyone knew The Colonel was getting expelled by this point, brought to light by the Weekday Warriors who semi-boasted about justice being served for The Colonel’s long run of pranks. Unfortunately for them, this caused the student body to uncover why he was expelled, thus renaming the Weekday Warriors the “Dookie Warriors”. Takumi may or may not be thanked for bestowing the name. 

Finally, The Colonel broke the silence, “I don’t know why ya’ll are looking at me. I’m just here to squeeze out my last bit of education. Some of us came here to learn, not because our mommies and daddies made us.” A couple kids snickered and looked over at the Dookie Warriors (had to change it) to get a glimpse of their rising anger before Dr. Hyde flew into the classroom with his usual grace. 

“Mr. Martin. Class, good to see you all here and healthy.” I had a feeling that was directed to us. He made eye contact with no one as he focused on preparing his lecture, turning to the chalkboard. As he began to write, I looked over at Alaska, grateful that, despite her pushing me away for the second time and causing me mass amounts of internal/external pain, she was here. If she had gone through that gate last night in the state that she was in, who knows what would have happen. But here she was today, sunlight illuminating her radiance and beauty. How could I not love her and all that she is, her wild, unpredictable, original self. Suddenly, her eyes began to widen, and she looked over to me, pointed at the chalkboard and mouthed, “The labyrinth.” 

Hyde finished writing, gently placed down the chalk and faced his classroom of now eager peers. “Today, we will discuss the essay question of one of our very own students. Miss Alaska Young, will you do us the honor and read the question out loud?” 

Alaska cleared her throat, sat up from her slouched position and read, “How do we get out of this labyrinth of suffering?” 

“Thank you, Miss Young. Yes, the question that Miss Young has imposed from a dear novel of hers is one that defines the very purpose of this religions class. The state of suffering is something that enters all of our lives at some point, whether because of disappointment, loss, failure, or even the over-excessive examining of life’s meaning.” At this, Dr. Hyde glanced my way. “Now, while we will not discuss why this is the most important question, that being subjective and the purpose of Miss Young’s personal essay, I would like to discuss an answer to the question. See it as an opportunity to display your adequate ability to apply what we’ve talked about this past semester towards your own lives.” 

Immediately I thought back to my brief conversation with Dr. Hyde only a few hours prior. Did he plan this lesson, or was it spontaneous due to recent events? Lara sniffled from a few desks over. I had completely forgotten about our fight after everything that had happened. It’s incredible to think about how one’s happiness (me hooking up with Alaska, for instance) could cause another so much pain. I thought about Jake and his desperate attempts to reach Alaska, how much he was probably tormented by the idea that he wanted to be with someone so badly, and she had reasons unbeknownst to him, and he was helpless to it all. I thought of The Colonel and Sara. I thought of The Eagle and his wife leaving. I thought of Alaska’s mother. My parents. Me. All of us constantly suffering because of our expectations and desires being unfulfilled, because of life’s impermanence. 

Unexpectedly, I rose my hand. 

“Yes, Mr. Halter. Do you have a speculation for us towards this question?” 

Unexpectedly, I stood up. 

“People have been hurting each other, hurt by each other for as long as humans have walked this earth. We fall in love, we lose.” Alaska looked down at this. I kept going, “We believe things are supposed to be a certain way, and when they’re not, we get hurt. Or we hurt. Or both. Either way, we’re victim to suffering. It’s inevitable.” 

Dr. Hyde placed his hands in his pockets. “Is that all?” 

“Yeah. Well, no. I mean, sure we get hurt and all, but, like, when we realize what we have, what we are, that we exist in this random mystery of chaos and harmony, well, there’s sort of a realization there. Like love, I mean like love for existing, not romantic love necessarily, but like being happy that one exists at all, despite all the suffers. Despite the mistakes we’ve made. Maybe if we hold onto that and realize that that’s who we really are, maybe that leads us out.” I looked at the room that held its attention on me like a lab rat in a maze. “Or at least makes it more tolerable. I don’t know.” Quickly I scuffled back into my chair, slightly embarrassed at my attempt to define such a sacred question. 

Dr. Hyde walked over to my desk, patted my shoulder, and spoke, “Very nicely preached, Mr. Halter. I’m not certain it completely answers the question, and truthfully I’m not completely certain on the answer myself, but if there was a good flashlight to use in the labyrinth, I think love would be a powerful one.” 

He walked over to the tv monitor and began to place in a vhs tape (Dr. Hyde still thought it was 1985). “Let’s take a moment to reflect on Mr. Halter’s answer as we listen to a short talk by the Dalai Lama on love, compassion and suffering. Perhaps we recognize some similarities between the two responses.” 

The monitor flashed on, but instead of a peaceful, bald Buddhist monk was. . . my bedroom. Lying on The Colonel’s bed was a seemingly naked Sara, covered only by a blanket. She was moaning uncontrollably, which was brought on by The Colonel lifting his head out from underneath the blanket. 

Sara tried to push him back down, “No, don’t stop.” 

“Sorry, my turn.” 

“You are such a dick.” 

“And now you can know that firsthand.” 

Sara smacked him and started sliding underneath the blanket. The Colonel, in present time, ran past Dr. Hyde to the vcr, where he popped out the tape. “Shit, sorry, I had been looking for this everywhere.”  
Longwell, who had been snuggled up next to Sara, was livid, “Asshole, give me that tape.” 

The Colonel took a step back, “Whoa Longwell, I knew you had a liking to ‘la cross’ sticks, but this is a bit out of hand.” 

“Dude, not cool, my brother is gay.” 

“Hey, I have nothing against the gay community, respect, but your obsession with me is downright pathetic.” 

Sara stood up, “Chip, destroy that tape right now!” 

The Colonel stuffed the vhs into his backpack. “Sorry, darling dear, but I think I should hold onto this in case I need to refer to my notes from Culver Creek.” The Colonel turned to the class and bowed, “Thank you all for an enlightening experience. Pudge,” he gave me a slight salute, “see you on the other side.” And at that, The Colonel was out the door with Longwell furious in pursuit, Sara shouting vulgar obscenities not too far behind. 

“Well,” said Dr. Hyde, seemingly undisturbed by the event, “in light of Mr. Martin’s actions, I’m assigning you all a half hour’s meditation in replacement of today’s class. Namaste.” He bowed, gathered up his things, and left. 

I walked down to The Smoking Hole with Alaska and Takumi only to find The Colonel already there, feet lounged up and cigarette burning bright. His arms rested behind his head in victory.

“Well, that’s definitely an image that’ll be hard for Longwell to erase,” said Takumi. 

“You got that right,” said Alaska, as she pulled out a smoke and inhaled. “If memories could be tattoos, that one’s definitely etched dead center in his mind. Well played, Colonel.” 

The Colonel smiled triumphantly, “They can toss me out of this school, but to destroy Longfellow’s innocence definitely makes leaving a bit more bearable.”

Takumi glanced over at Alaska, “Yeah, we were talking about that. We can’t let you take the fall alone. We’re all too involved. Wouldn’t be right, man.” 

“Wait, what are you guys saying?” The Colonel’s demeanor changed from pleased to concerned. “Listen, you guys are free, you guys can stay here and actually get a legitimate education. No way, not having it. That’s an order.” 

Alaska spoke up, “Sorry, Chip.” She never used his real name unless she was really serious. “But it’s already been decided. At least for us two.” 

“Yeah sorry, Pudge,” said Takumi. “We didn’t want to speak for you, and only had a brief minute to actually talk this out before class.” 

I didn’t hesitate. “I’m with you guys, all the way. My parents might resent me for the rest of my life. But losing you guys wouldn’t be worth being here, anyways.” 

The Colonel sighed, “This is fucking stupid. But whatever, if you idiots think chivalry is the answer then I’m not stopping you.” Despite the act of indifference, I could tell The Colonel was near to tears at his friends stepping up for him. We were a bunch of outcasts, always looking for acceptance, and here we finally discovered it amongst each other. We couldn’t just let it die so easily. I couldn’t. 

“Alright, well then let’s talk this out. Maybe we can find a way to lessen the sentence or something.” The Colonel folded his arms and began thinking. 

We sat in silence. Finally, after a couple minutes, it came to me. “Guys, I think I have an idea.” 

“You think you have an idea, Pudge, or do you have an idea?” 

“Shut up. Okay, hear me out.” 

… 

All dressed in our Sunday’s best, we entered the same hall where I had my previous hearing. However, instead of only a student jury, an array of adults in very expensive attire gathered in one corner of the room. The Eagle sat dead center at the long, rectangular table. “No. No. This hearing is for Mr. Martin alone, so the other three of you can wait outside until afterwards.” 

Alaska spoke, “Actually, all four of us are admitting to the crime. So, if you’re to trial one, then the other three will be here as well.” 

The Eagle paused. Finally, “Okay, but only because the lawyers that are present cost an incredible amount of money and multiplying it by four would just be ludicrous. So,” his mustache remained stern, “fortunately for you, if you want to call it that, we will trial all four of you right now. Since the jury and lawyers are aware of the accusations against you, we will save everybody’s time and allow you to state your case. Please, proceed.” 

The Colonel shot me a “ready” look, and I nodded as he stepped forward. I could tell his nerves were on the fritz, despite the calm he displayed. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Before any further action can be made, let me go ahead and end this session short by saying: I withdraw myself from Culver Creek.” 

Alaska stepped forward, “I withdraw myself from Culver Creek.” 

Then Takumi, “I withdraw myself from Culver Creek.” 

Finally, I made the leap of faith, “I withdraw myself from Culver Creek.” 

The Eagle remained still, stunned, baffled at our notion for withdraw. The lawyers and jury began to mutter among themselves, probably trying to figure out if this was a legitimate option. When he came back to consciousness, The Eagle turned to a juror and whispered, “Is this allowed?” 

The juror, a tall, skinny brunette from history class, began to say, “Well, I do believe according to section C-” 

The Eagle slammed his gavel, “Motion adjured. The four of you, as of now, are no longer Culver Creek students. You have twenty-four hours to vacate the premise.” 

We, as well as most of the jury, began applauding and cheering tremendously. The Eagle even walked up to us and said, “Thank you, guys. Even though you seriously broke the rules, I never wanted to see you expelled. At least now you still have a possible future.” 

Feeling full of inspiration, we ran out the building and back towards The Smokers Hole, laughing and cheering. Alaska had begun reciting and repeating the opening verse from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself. As we all calmed down, The Colonel’s tone became suddenly serious. 

“Listen, Alaska, I know we sort of slipped out of this one, but what the hell are you gonna do?” 

Takumi walked up and put his arm around The Colonel, “She’s gonna stay at my place. At least until summer.” 

Alaska lit a cigarette but didn’t inhale. “Yup. I turn eighteen in two weeks, making me legally able to go wherever I want, so to speak. Figure I’ll take the GED’s and start working on college applications. Maybe take a year off and experience the country and do internships and stuff. Things colleges like.” 

“My parents are hardly ever around,” said Takumi, “so I figured she could just hide out in the guest house, which they never use.” He wiped his hands. “Done deal.” 

“And until then?” I asked. 

Alaska shrugged, “I don’t know. Face my dad, I suppose. Which reminds me, I have some important errands to take care of, so if you’ll excuse me fella’s, I’ll catch up with you later.” She walked over to me. “Pudge, can I talk to you for a quick minute.” 

“Sure.” 

I started walking her back to campus, towards the beginning of the end. We were shoulder to shoulder, stride in stride. After we gained enough distance from the other two, Alaska spoke, “Miles, I’ve thought a lot about what you said. In front of the car, in front of the class. I think you’re right. All my pain in life, all of it, comes from not loving myself. Feeling so guilty for the past, feeling as if I don’t deserve happiness.” At this she stopped and held my hands. “But, like, what’s it all for if we’re not happy. People can make mistakes, terrible mistakes, but we have to forgive ourselves and learn to love again, don’t we?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I suppose so.” 

Alaska playfully pushed me. This time I didn’t mind it so much. 

“You’ll come visit Takumi and I, right?” 

“Yeah, like every weekend.” 

She snapped and pointed her fingers and smiled at me. “I’m holding you to it. Okay, this is where we say goodbye, for now.” She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “I don’t know what’s to come of us, Miles, but I definitely look forward to finding out.” 

“You want me to come with you to see your mom’s grave?” 

She shook her head, “No. Not this time, at least. Her and I need a mother/daughter talk.” 

She hugged me and began to walk away.

Then it came to me. “Hey, Alaska!” She turned around as I ran up to her. “Do you know what William Henry Seward, architect of the Alaska Purchase, said when asked if he had any last words?” 

She smiled that undeniable smile of hers, “What, Pudge?” 

“Nothing, only ‘love one another.’” 

Alaska bit her lip as her smile somehow managed to grow bigger, “Those are some seriously good last words.”


End file.
